I wrote this as a (really long) response to a Facebook thread. I thought it was well written so I carried it over here. It can’t all always be about surrogacy folks. 😉 The bigger theme here is balance. Balance is so the key to a heathy life.
As a caregiver, and a bit of a “developmentally appropriate” nut, I have had to learn good routines to imbed a healthy relationship with technology into littles lives. My take is that for littles today, it is not really optional. Their world will depend on the ability to navigate technology in ways our generation only read about in science fiction. It is and will continue to be the way people interact with the world and themselves more and more as it progresses and develops.
Technology cannot and should not replace hands-on learning and sensory activities. But I feel it needs to be integrated into the life and learning of children. I believe it is a balancing act of how much and what content littles spend their time using. It is vital, however for them to have some exposure so they can develop healthy and respectful limits with the use of technology as well as be set up well for the ever increasing roll it will play in their lives. Therefore, with age appropriate content available and timers set, I never feel guilty about letting kids interact w technology.
I have no news to speak of, no deveolpments to share yet. That’s all still down the road a little. I just want to take a minute to write about some things I’ve learned in the waiting for this one small (at the same time SO huge) next step forward in this crazy journey.
There is a lot of learning to do. A whole crazy lot. I’ve learned a lot about what to expect on this journey. Third-party reproduction is no easy feat.
I have much left to learn. Seriously! Every time I get online or on the phone to attack one small piece of this, I’m discovering three more things to add to the list. It’s overwhelming!
I’ve learned that it’s going take more research and resources than I imagined it would. See above.
I’ve learned that it’s going to take more patience and planning than I have ever invested in anything thus far in my life. Which is – I suppose – good preparation for parenting.
I’ve learned that it will take a lot of time and determination, a lot of science and more than little bit of good luck. For every success story I read, there are more stories that end in sadness. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth throwing dice with these kinds of odds. But then my “mother heart” beats: yes. YES! Of course it is worth it.
I’ve learned that if every baby came with the type of price tag we are staring in the face, there would be a lot less children. (I mean to make, not raise – but raising them is expensive too!)
I’ve learned that I’m going to need to pace myself and stay realistic. ONE step at a time, Kate.
But most importantly the last few weeks have made me very sure. Very sure I will keep taking ONE step at a time. Until or unless we cannot put one foot in front of the other any longer. I have been learning that I will need to be steadily resolved and very sure of myself and my choices. Correction: OUR choices. “Third-Party Reproduction” might just be a legal term to you, it was to me a few months ago. But now it means so much more. (The number of parties involved will be so many more than three in our case.) So many people involved in something that traditionally takes place between only two people makes it infinitely more complicated. In my opinion, it also makes it infinitely more precious.
I’ve learned that I will need to be gentle with others in defense of our choices, and gentle with myself regarding how involved I let my emotions get in other people’s opinions. I’ve realized that everyone I encounter will likely have a different opinion on how we are thinking of creating our family. We are doing next to NOTHING here in a traditional way, folks. I’m okay with that. I love it, even. However, I totally understand that other people don’t/won’t feel the same way I do about it all. I also understand that by being open about it in the ways that I am planning on being, I will open myself and, like it or not, the other parties involved, to the scrutiny of others. I’ve learned I will have to grow a little bit of a thicker skin for the kinds of opposition I/we might face. And I’ve learned that I can only hope others will be gentle towards us if they feel the need to express their opposition.
So, in beginning and conclusion I guess all of this is to say:
If/when we make this choice, we make it for us. And for our future, whatever it looks like down the road a little.