Down the Road a Little

I have no news to speak of, no deveolpments to share yet. That’s all still down the road a little. I just want to take a minute to write about some things I’ve learned in the waiting for this one small (at the same time SO huge) next step forward in this crazy journey.

There is a lot of learning to do. A whole crazy lot.  
I’ve learned a lot about what to expect on this journey. Third-party reproduction is no easy feat. 

I have much left to learn. Seriously! Every time I get online or on the phone to attack one small piece of this, I’m discovering three more things to add to the list. It’s overwhelming!

I’ve learned that it’s going take more research and resources than I imagined it would. See above.

I’ve learned that it’s going to take more patience and planning than I have ever invested in anything thus far in my life. Which is – I suppose – good preparation for parenting.

I’ve learned that it will take a lot of time and determination, a lot of science and more than little bit of good luck. For every success story I read, there are more stories that end in sadness. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth throwing dice with these kinds of odds. But then my “mother heart” beats: yes. YES! Of course it is worth it. 

I’ve learned that if every baby came with the type of price tag we are staring in the face, there would be a lot less children. (I mean to make, not raise – but  raising them is expensive too!)

I’ve learned that I’m going to need to pace myself and stay realistic. ONE step at a time, Kate. 

But most importantly the last few weeks have made me very sure. Very sure I will keep taking ONE step at a time. Until or unless we cannot put one foot in front of the other any longer. I have been learning that I will need to be steadily resolved and very sure of myself and my choices. Correction: OUR choices. “Third-Party Reproduction” might just be a legal term to you, it was to me a few months ago. But now it means so much more. (The number of parties involved will be so many more than three in our case.) So many people involved in something that traditionally takes place between only two people makes it infinitely more complicated. In my opinion, it also makes it infinitely more precious. 

I’ve learned that I will need to be gentle with others in defense of our choices, and gentle with myself regarding how involved I let my emotions get in other people’s opinions. I’ve realized that everyone I encounter will likely have a different opinion on how we are thinking of creating our family. We are doing next to NOTHING here in a traditional way, folks. I’m okay with that. I love it, even. However, I totally understand that other people don’t/won’t feel the same way I do about it all. I also understand that by being open about it in the ways that I am planning on being, I will open myself and, like it or not, the other parties involved, to the scrutiny of others. I’ve learned I will have to grow a little bit of a thicker skin for the kinds of opposition I/we might face.  And I’ve learned that I can only hope others will be gentle towards us if they feel the need to express their opposition.

So, in beginning and conclusion I guess all of this is to say:
If/when we make this choice, we make it for us. And for our future, whatever it looks like down the road a little. 

3 thoughts on “Down the Road a Little

  1. Kate, It sounds like as you go on with your journey that mentally you're getting tougher. Which is what you are going to need. When I was struggling with my journey I was meeting weekly with a very talented psychologist and after a very rough day which led to a full-blown anxiety attack I was put on valium which in the end I only took a few times but it was comforting just knowing the option was there if I needed it. What Im getting at here is that the most important thing in this (and yes this is totally selfish and will go against your motherly instincts) is yourself. take care of yourself. have a form of decompression that works for you because in this journey as im sure you have noticed you will need it. have an emergency button (for me it was the valium), have a support group that will tell you things you need to hear (whether you like the message or not). as you said, your dream is your own and I support you in it. just don't let this dream do damage to you or your relationships. because it will if you let it. I know this personally.

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